


I miss you, I'm sorry

by missjudge



Category: S.C.I.谜案集 | S.C.I. Mystery (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:07:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29379684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missjudge/pseuds/missjudge
Summary: After a fight Zhan Yao leaves the apartment. Bai Yutong tries to cope.
Relationships: Bái Yùtáng/Zhǎn Zhāo
Comments: 6
Kudos: 38





	I miss you, I'm sorry

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The_Sassiest_Trixster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Sassiest_Trixster/gifts).



> This was born from a tumblr prompt and because I listened too often to Gracie Abrams' wonderful [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nijx6Np0o40).  
> I seriously recommend listening to it before reading to get in the appropriate mood ;)

I still love you, I promise  
Nothing happened in the way I wanted  
But I miss you, I'm sorry

I don't wanna go, think I'll make it worse  
Everything I know brings me back to us  
I don't wanna go, we've been here before  
Everywhere I go leads me back to you

I miss you, I'm sorry  
  
  


_Gracie Abrams - I miss you, I'm sorry_

* * *

It had been the worst fight they ever had in their relationship, hypnosis and Zhao Jue included, and it had left Bai Yutong with a hollow feeling in his stomach, sitting lost and miserable in the silent apartment. Earlier that day, Zhan Yao had accompanied him on a case and, because he was a fucking idiot, provoked the suspect to such an extent that the man managed to swing a knife at him and graze Zhan Yao’s shoulder before Bai Yutong could bring him down. And of course Zhan Yao had seen no fault in his behaviour, told him about the end that had justified the means and that it was his job, then had gotten cranky when Bai Yutong had pointed out that he technically wasn't even a police officer. It had only escalated from there and Bai Yutong still could hear the echo of their words in the silent apartment, taste their bitterness on his tongue. After the last remark had hit home, Zhan Yao had just looked at him with a blank expression, grabbed his conference suitcase and left the apartment without a word. And without his keys.

Bai Yutong let his face sink into his hands and let out a groan. The day had been awful from the start and this was just the grand finale. There was nothing he could do at the moment, he decided and got up from the sofa. Glancing at the kitchen for a moment, he opted for a hot bath instead. He could cook dinner in a few hours, maybe Zhan Yao would come home later. He nodded to himself and tried not to think about the fact that the cat had taken his weekend suitcase with him.

He sighed and made his way to the bathroom, opened the tap and started to undress. He would sit there quietly and relax, maybe watch a movie on his phone. He would not call his cat. Zhan Yao probably wouldn't answer anyway. Bai Yutong sighed to himself and stepped into the bathtub, ignoring the strange feeling of having leg room because the usual other occupant was missing. He sighed again and slid deeper into the water, resting his head on the edge and closing his eyes.

When he awoke with a start, the first thing he noticed was the darkness outside the window. Judging by the water which had cooled to almost room temperature, he must have been out for a while. Shivering, he climbed out, towelling himself off quickly. His phone told him it was right after midnight and he tried to suppress the growing unease in his stomach that Zhan Yao had neither come home nor called. Well, he would give the cat space if he wanted space. Lips pressed together and shoulders tense he went to bed, laying on his side facing the wall, stubbornly ignoring the empty space behind him.

* * *

His alarm went off at the usual time, but that was about all that was usual about this morning. In the daze between dreaming and waking he wondered briefly why Zhan Yao wasn't plastered to his back, breathing warm into his neck, when the memory of the previous evening hit him like a freight-train and he had to swallow hard, closing his eyes to will down the tears that had started rising. With a deep breath to brace himself to face the day he got out of bed, still stubbornly avoiding to look at the untouched pillow next to his.

The day passed by in a daze of interviews and meetings, all blending together after a while. His team had looked at him questioningly when he had arrived alone in the morning, but he had mumbled something about a short-notice conference and they had left him alone, probably also because they had seen his expression. Bai Chi was the only one brave – or socially inept – enough to actually ask a question over lunch that had Bai Yutong level such a murderous gaze at him that he almost choked on his rice and didn’t look up for the rest of their break.

By six o’clock his whole body ached with a sensation he couldn’t quite name. It had started in the early afternoon. First he had thought it was a pending migraine, but then his chest had started to burn as well. After subtly checking his temperature, he was sure he wasn't going to be ill either. That left an explanation he wasn't quite ready to address. Gritting his teeth, he sent his team home, standing in his empty office. He dreaded coming home to the empty, silent apartment, but staying here was probably worse. Sighing, he checked his phone again, still hoping for a message from his cat. When the notifications stayed stubbornly silent, he shoved the phone back in his pocket and went to his car.

The second night alone was even worse. He had half-heartedly thrown together a stir-fry and taken a short and uninspirational shower before retreating to the sofa. Staring distractedly at the TV screen, he pondered if he should call the cat. He had resigned himself to give Zhan Yao some space, but that had been a day ago and maybe he didn’t need it that much anymore. Gnawing his bottom lip, he finally reached for his phone, dialling the familiar number. The first call ended abruptly after two rings, apparently having been ended by someone. Irritated, Bai Yutong stared at his phone and frowned. When the second call went straight to voicemail, he couldn’t suppress an angry sound and flung the phone into a pillow. Fine. If the cat didn’t want to talk, Bai Yutong didn’t need to either.

He slept on the sofa that night, not able to face the empty bedroom.

* * *

The day that followed was unsurprisingly terrible. He lashed out to his team more than once, regretting it immediately and apologizing to them, only to explode again at the next opportunity. After their lunch break, Ma Han approached him slowly, suggesting in carefully chosen words that he might want to take the rest of the day off, they had the paperwork covered. He nodded curtly to all of them and was out of the office in a heartbeat.

He didn’t have anywhere to go specifically, but everything was better than shouting at his team. He grimaced and began walking, letting his feet choose the direction. When he looked up, he was in front of the university building where he used to wait for Zhan Yao after his lessons. Groaning internally he turned around, deliberately avoiding to acknowledge the dull ache in his chest.

When he returned home later that afternoon, the ache had grown into a painful pulse he could feel in his whole body. Instead of clearing his head on the walk, he had unconsciously gone to places that held a significance for them. The park where they spent their lunch breaks, the bridge where he had hung a lock with their initials – to a lot of eye-rolling and groaning from Zhan Yao – on their anniversary, their favourite restaurant. A bus stop where they had found shelter from a downpour when neither had brought an umbrella, where he had kissed Zhan Yao breathless in the dim light. The corner where he almost had caused a car crash because the cat had chosen that exact moment to tell him he loved him for the first time.

He sat down on the sofa and exhaled slowly, blinking back the tears that had been lingering under the surface for the whole day. He had tried to call the cat a few times, but every call had gone to voicemail and he had ended it before the automatic voice was finished telling him he should leave a message. He still didn’t know what to say and if Zhan Yao would want to hear it.

_I miss you. I’m sorry._

Leaning back into the pillows he closed his eyes, not able to hold back the tears anymore.

* * *

A sound startled him and he shot up from under the pillows. Disoriented he reached for his phone. Shortly after ten, which meant he had slept for three hours. No wonder his head felt fuzzy. A repetition of the same sound had him freeze, head cocked in the direction of – – – the door. A knock. Zhan Yao.

He almost tripped over the blanket he had wrapped around himself in his haste and had to grab the back of the sofa to steady himself. At the third knock, he flung the door open to reveal a slightly startled Zhan Yao, eyes wide, hand still raised to knock another time.

“Cat.”

He almost flung himself at Zhan Yao, but stopped abruptly when he saw the other’s face. His eyes were red and puffy, his cheeks pale and his hair looked like he had pulled several all-nighters. He probably had.

“Can I come in?”

Bai Yutong bit his lip at the uncertain tone and nodded, stepping aside to let the other in. He noticed Zhan Yao hadn’t brought the suitcase and tears welled up again in his eyes when he tried not to think about what that meant. Furiously wiping his face, he turned his back to the cat and walked back to the sofa. He briefly considered getting a drink before they had that inevitable talk, but decided against it. If Zhan Yao wanted to break up with him, he might need a clear head.

The cat looked at him with an expression Bai Yutong couldn’t quite place and cautiously sat down on the sofa. Taking a shaky breath, he turned to face Zhan Yao.

“Cat, I’m sorr--”

“I need to--”

They both stared at each other, surprised. Bai Yutong pressed his lips together and motioned for the other to continue. Zhan Yao gave him that look again and inhaled deeply, before letting his breath out slowly.

“I need to apologize, Mouse.”

Bai Yutong startled, staring at Zhan Yao. “What? I mean, I...,” he trailed off when he saw the other’s pained expression and pressed his lips shut.

“I am sorry,” he repeated. “I shouldn’t have left like that and then ignored your calls. That was childish and immature and I’m sorry.” He looked directly at Bai Yutong, a pleading look in his eyes. When he received no response, he laid his hand on the other’s arm. “Please, Mouse, say something. I am sorry, believe me. I had plenty of time to think about what an idiot I am.” He grinned wryly, his thumb stroking tiny circles on Bai Yutong’s arm. The other had to swallow hard, closing his eyes for a moment. Then, because he didn’t trust his voice at all at that moment, he lunged forward to wrap his arms around Zhan Yao, almost sending them both off the sofa. Hiding his face in the other’s neck, he couldn’t stop the quiet sobs rising in his throat. Zhan Yao’s arms came around his back, gripping tightly, as if he too was afraid to let go, and he let his face sink onto Bai Yutong’s shoulder.

They stayed like this for a while, just breathing each other’s scent, until Zhan Yao made a sound. “You're kneeing my ribs, Mouse. Move over.” Hearing the familiar annoyed tone, Bai Yutong couldn’t help but grin. He tightened his grip on the other, but made sure to move his knee away. “I love you,” he mumbled into Zhan Yao’s neck and could feel a grin form against his temple. “I couldn’t hear you,” Zhan Yao teased. “Say it again.”

Bai Yutong bit his neck, just to be difficult, and pulled away. He still hadn’t let go of Zhan Yao’s hand and now tightened his grip. Looking directly at the other, he said softly, “I love you, Cat. And I’m sorry too. I said some things that were…” He trailed off, feeling miserable all over again.

“I know you didn’t mean them,” assured him Zhan Yao. “Still. It wasn't true,” he insisted. “Cat, you are the most capable person in the whole SCI.” Zhan Yao snorted. “Don’t let your team hear that.” Bai Yutong huffed. “I mean it. You are fiercely intelligent, unbelievably kind, so damn brave, and I really don’t know what we would do without you.” He paused for a second. “And it is _our_ team, not just mine,” he added softly.

Zhan Yao smiled so happily at this that Bai Yutong couldn’t hold back any longer. With a groan, he captured the other’s mouth in a scorching kiss, weaving his free hand in his tousled hair to keep him close. He pressed against Zhan Yao, licking in his mouth, relishing in the feeling of soft, plush lips against his. Inevitably, they both had to come up for air after a while, but left just enough space between them to breathe, not being able to part from each other.

“I love you,” Bai Yutong said against the other’s lips, and the grin that followed felt like a balm for his still tender heart. “I love you too, Mouse,” he heard, and something in his soul clicked back into place.

**Author's Note:**

> When I mentioned the song I wasn't kidding, I put it on loop to write this ^^  
> (Oh, and the suitcase is just outside the door, Zhan Yao forgot it there, in case you were wondering xD)


End file.
